breakups.

I think this is the closest thing that I have ever had to a broken heart.
I have issues, I don't let people in- I am afraid of getting hurt.
People don't know me very well because I don't let them. . . I think that is why I blog, that is why I write, that is how I release myself.
I always prepare myself for heartache in every relationship.
I always expect someone to let me down and not keep promises.
Then when a time comes for me to feel pain I don't.  I don't cry, I don't hurt, I feel nothing- I am numb.
This isn't a good thing- it is protection, but it isn't good.
It is almost as if I am lying, lying to myself.
I tell myself that there is no pain- it is almost like I remove my feelings from me, I change my perspective.
That isn't right.  I need to hurt.  I need know what pain is-
For now though I can't.  My life is too good.
I guess I will try again later.

I would like to say that I am hurting right now- I should be.
Given the circumstances I should be swimming in tears, cussing the world, and hating break- but I don't.
I am not extremely happy by any means, but for goodness sake I am not sad, or mad-

A lot of my prayers have been answered lately, but not necessarily the way I was expecting them to be. . .but then again isn't that how it always happens?
I have so much to be thankful for.  My life is amazing.

Cheers to heartache.